How To Feel Stupid Dumb

02.14.2007

I've been making websites for the past 10 years. Every website in that time has used a database of one sort or another. Well, maybe not all, but 95% of them have. I've always made them by hand - there are tools that let you draw pictures linking tables together with what columns you want returned, but I've never drawn out my queries that way. A big part of that has been because I end up having to modify the query after the fact and it's a big hassle to figure out what an auto-generated query is actually trying to get. So I've always cranked out my queries by hand for the last 10 years (10+ if you go back before the web pages).

In that time, I've considered myself fairly comfortable in making database queries. Until today.

Inner/Outer Joins have been the bane for those learning SQL for a while. Bob Burruss introduced me to a shortcut that made life simple a long time ago. For a OUTER JOIN, just use "*=" with the "*" on the side that you always want the data returned from. Simplicity in itself. And it's worked. For years. Until today.

It seems the new version of SQL Server (2005, which is at least new to me) doesn't like "*=". It's not an ASCII standard. As such, you can tweak the settings on SQL Server to support it, but later versions may not support it at all. So go learn the right way to do it!

So I have to learn to do it the right way. A quick Google search showed me how to do it, but the sample queries weren't close enough to what I had to do. As much as I hated it, I was going to have to go look on the shelf that I reference about once every... 5 years? I dug out my Sql For Dummies book. I can see where Amazon has the 3rd edition, and another site lists the 5th edition. Me, I've got the 1st edition from August of 1995. I remember buying it for help in my Software Engineering class (it didn't help - I ended up having to take the class over again). I was about to reference a 12 year old book for programming help. I think that was almost worse than it being a "Dummies" book.

But I found the sample I was looking for. Of course, I had to search for it. In the index, it lists pg 163 as the only reference for OUTER JOIN. Once you get to pg 163, it tells you "... you have performed an OUTER JOIN operation (as discussed in Chapter 11)...", so then it's off to Chapter 11 to actually find out how to make an OUTER JOIN like the pros do.

For 10 years I've fought querying the right way. It looks like the system is starting to win. If only I could find a good way to *= the system.

Permalink programming/interweb

Remembering My Roots

02.13.2007

I spent the 2nd grade (except for the first 6 weeks) through the 1st six weeks of the 7th grade going to school in the greater Florence, AL metropolitan area. My formative years, as it were. This morning I saw a news blurb stemming from my old homestead: Feud brewing in school over student's hairstyle.

It seems a 6th grader was sent home after adding pink highlights to her hair. The controversy is that there isn't a posted rule preventing coloring of hair - they sent her home for disrupting students. She and her mother can't understand why the school would be so upset since she didn't disobey any printed rules. Except, maybe, disrupting the students.

My favorite quote from the 6th grader: "If it's actually written down in a handbook do not dye your hair no color then you should follow the rules."

I checked Clairol and I can't find a dye for no color, so I'm really hoping that's not in the handbook.

I went to Hibbett Middle School the last 6 weeks we lived in Florence before moving back to Huntsville. The school had only opened up a year or two before that, but that was 30 years ago. I don't think it was soon enough, because now I color my hair about every two months. I wonder if pink would cover up the gray better than the color I've been using? If only I could find some of that "no color" to follow the rules!

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Of Puppets & Lip Synching

02.11.2007

I'm not one to go to YouTube very often. I tend to lump it in with MySpace - just because people can put things on the internet doesn't mean they should. Then again, maybe I shouldn't be one to talk.

I don't know how I got there, but there's a comedy group out of Seattle that has put together a couple of videos where they lip-synch to a pop tune (or 2) using the girl of the group and puppets. Yes, puppets. As goofy as it sounds, it's really well done.

It's not the first time I've seen puppets carry a tune. Yarbrough & Peoples did it back in the day. The Muppet show was chock full of singing puppets. Back in the prehistoric era on Sesame Street they had singing puppets! But it's been a few years (decades?) since I paid attention to singing puppets. Finding that I like them again maybe I need to go pay more attention?

Permalink random

Uncle Russ Is Mean

02.04.2007

The following is true. The names have been changed to deceased wrestlers to protect the innocent. Some of the guilty may be protected by this too.

Friday was Dad's birthday. It was also Groundhog Day, but that's not relevant. To celebrate, I took the drive out to Moulton to have dinner with Dad and his extended family, including his 2 step-grandchildren who are in the 3-5 year old range. I've probably seen the kids 4 times in the last 2 years. Pez Whatley (the older) is always glad to see me but usually keeps her distance. John Tenta just keeps his distance.

Now, most people know I'm not exactly kid-centric. I don't ooh and ahh over newborns. I don't wish I had a kid of my own nor regret not having one (at least not yet). Jerry refers to my house as a child's deathtrap, with sharp objects and exposed outlets all within easy reaching distance for anyone crawling around. While I wouldn't poke a child's finger into an electrical outlet, I wouldn't deny that I might sit back to see what would happen if a kid started to poke all on their own. I'm a firm believer in learning from the mistakes you survive! Anyway, back to the story.

After dinner and a piece of allegedly sugar-free birthday cake, I was sitting with Dad and Road Warrior Hawk talking and catching up. There was a lighter on the table that I was spinning around and playing with absentmindedly. I picked it up and noticed that this was abnormally hard to light. Eventually all it took was a mighty squeeze, and then it lit. Road Warrior Hawk had a drink on the table to which she jokingly said "Don't get that lighter too close, you'll blow up the house!". So of course I started playing with lighter and the drink. It was around then that I noticed John Tenta was sitting in Dad's lap, and as I would bring the lighter closer to the drink (a good 4 feet away from him) his eyes would widen in fear. Pull the lighter away, he would relax. Bring the lighter closer to the drink, his eyes would start to explode.

I took the unlit lighter and pointed it not at the drink, but slid it along the table toward Road Warrior Hawk. As it got closer, John Tenta's eyes widened more and more. Once the tip of the lighter was off the table (and still about half a foot from Road Warrior Hawk), I would squeeze and light it. John Tenta would be in the fringe of crying. I released the switch and slid the lighter back toward me and John Tenta would relax a little but still keep his eyes on the lighter. We did this 2 or 3 times until he let out a whimper, then everybody else that had evidently been watching was afraid he would start to actually cry and never stop, so I had to stop playing with the lighter. Dad then put John Tenta down and let him run in the living room to the lap of his mother, where he still kept an eye on me.

Since I couldn't play with the lighter, I turned my attention to a pair of utility scissors on the table (if Jerry thinks my place is a deathtrap, he should look at Dad's kitchen table!). I held up my left hand and stuck out my index finger, but holding it at 90° to where John Tenta could only see the profile of my hand. I picked up the scissors, opened them, and put them behind my finger, but it probably looked to John Tenta like I was about to cut my finger at the middle knuckle. So then I snapped the scissors shut, bent my finger down at the middle knuckle, and winced really hard. A wide eyed John Tenta buried his face in his mother's shoulder as he thought I cut off my finger.

It was mean, but I have never tried so hard not to laugh. Unsuccessfully.

I found out from his mother afterwards that "Uncle Russ is mean." Yep, it's good I don't have kids. Probably safest to keep them out of a direct line of sight of me, too.

Permalink random

What's That White Stuff?

02.01.2007

It's seldom we get snow in North Alabama. Maybe once per year, more often once every other per year. Most of the times when it does snow it's just an overnight dusting that melts away by lunchtime the following afternoon.

Since we're conditioned to that, anytime the temperature threatens to dip below freezing, there is widespread talk of snow, ice, blizzards, and glaciers forming in the neighbors back yard. Wild gangs of previously docile housewives, happy munching bon-bons whilst watching General Hospital, attack the nearest grocery store to stock up on bread, milk, and eggs. Modern civilization would fall if weren't for these 3 mainstays.

Although the hype is always on the weather when the temperature gets cold, I think few people really do fear bad weather coming. Just because it's cold doesn't mean it's going to snow. With that, I'm generally a little surprised when it does snow around here. Thanks to a little bout of insomnia, I even got to see of that snow in full force.

Last night Jer, Keith , and Greg came over for a little gaming night where we learned to play Robo Rally. It turned out to be a fun night, especially since I won, along with being one of the few times that I play host out here in the boonies. Everyone had left by 10:30, and I ended up piddling around the house for an hour or so and then looked outside.

It was snowing. Honest to god snow. It wasn't sticking to the ground. At least not yet. With a "humph, it's snowing" I went back inside and went to bed. At that point I tried to go to sleep. For a couple of hours I tried. Curious, I got up around 1:30 to see if it was still snowing.

It was still snowing. And it was sticking. Maybe I should have stocked up on milk, eggs, and bread. Even though my South Beech Diet doesn't allow me milk or eggs, is that any reason to not stock up? I could be responsible for the fall of modern civilization. at least n my house. Luckily I had plenty of eggs, so maybe I would be alright. So with that I went to bed.

When I got up this morning the snow had started to melt. Pavement and gravel were now snow-free. Melted snow was dripping off the roof, forming a trickle that was melting the built up snow underneath. Now the only thing to worry about was that it's going to get cold enough to freeze the melted snow into a nice sheet of ice tonight.

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