Uncle Russ Is Mean

02.04.2007

The following is true. The names have been changed to deceased wrestlers to protect the innocent. Some of the guilty may be protected by this too.

Friday was Dad's birthday. It was also Groundhog Day, but that's not relevant. To celebrate, I took the drive out to Moulton to have dinner with Dad and his extended family, including his 2 step-grandchildren who are in the 3-5 year old range. I've probably seen the kids 4 times in the last 2 years. Pez Whatley (the older) is always glad to see me but usually keeps her distance. John Tenta just keeps his distance.

Now, most people know I'm not exactly kid-centric. I don't ooh and ahh over newborns. I don't wish I had a kid of my own nor regret not having one (at least not yet). Jerry refers to my house as a child's deathtrap, with sharp objects and exposed outlets all within easy reaching distance for anyone crawling around. While I wouldn't poke a child's finger into an electrical outlet, I wouldn't deny that I might sit back to see what would happen if a kid started to poke all on their own. I'm a firm believer in learning from the mistakes you survive! Anyway, back to the story.

After dinner and a piece of allegedly sugar-free birthday cake, I was sitting with Dad and Road Warrior Hawk talking and catching up. There was a lighter on the table that I was spinning around and playing with absentmindedly. I picked it up and noticed that this was abnormally hard to light. Eventually all it took was a mighty squeeze, and then it lit. Road Warrior Hawk had a drink on the table to which she jokingly said "Don't get that lighter too close, you'll blow up the house!". So of course I started playing with lighter and the drink. It was around then that I noticed John Tenta was sitting in Dad's lap, and as I would bring the lighter closer to the drink (a good 4 feet away from him) his eyes would widen in fear. Pull the lighter away, he would relax. Bring the lighter closer to the drink, his eyes would start to explode.

I took the unlit lighter and pointed it not at the drink, but slid it along the table toward Road Warrior Hawk. As it got closer, John Tenta's eyes widened more and more. Once the tip of the lighter was off the table (and still about half a foot from Road Warrior Hawk), I would squeeze and light it. John Tenta would be in the fringe of crying. I released the switch and slid the lighter back toward me and John Tenta would relax a little but still keep his eyes on the lighter. We did this 2 or 3 times until he let out a whimper, then everybody else that had evidently been watching was afraid he would start to actually cry and never stop, so I had to stop playing with the lighter. Dad then put John Tenta down and let him run in the living room to the lap of his mother, where he still kept an eye on me.

Since I couldn't play with the lighter, I turned my attention to a pair of utility scissors on the table (if Jerry thinks my place is a deathtrap, he should look at Dad's kitchen table!). I held up my left hand and stuck out my index finger, but holding it at 90° to where John Tenta could only see the profile of my hand. I picked up the scissors, opened them, and put them behind my finger, but it probably looked to John Tenta like I was about to cut my finger at the middle knuckle. So then I snapped the scissors shut, bent my finger down at the middle knuckle, and winced really hard. A wide eyed John Tenta buried his face in his mother's shoulder as he thought I cut off my finger.

It was mean, but I have never tried so hard not to laugh. Unsuccessfully.

I found out from his mother afterwards that "Uncle Russ is mean." Yep, it's good I don't have kids. Probably safest to keep them out of a direct line of sight of me, too.

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What's That White Stuff?

02.01.2007

It's seldom we get snow in North Alabama. Maybe once per year, more often once every other per year. Most of the times when it does snow it's just an overnight dusting that melts away by lunchtime the following afternoon.

Since we're conditioned to that, anytime the temperature threatens to dip below freezing, there is widespread talk of snow, ice, blizzards, and glaciers forming in the neighbors back yard. Wild gangs of previously docile housewives, happy munching bon-bons whilst watching General Hospital, attack the nearest grocery store to stock up on bread, milk, and eggs. Modern civilization would fall if weren't for these 3 mainstays.

Although the hype is always on the weather when the temperature gets cold, I think few people really do fear bad weather coming. Just because it's cold doesn't mean it's going to snow. With that, I'm generally a little surprised when it does snow around here. Thanks to a little bout of insomnia, I even got to see of that snow in full force.

Last night Jer, Keith , and Greg came over for a little gaming night where we learned to play Robo Rally. It turned out to be a fun night, especially since I won, along with being one of the few times that I play host out here in the boonies. Everyone had left by 10:30, and I ended up piddling around the house for an hour or so and then looked outside.

It was snowing. Honest to god snow. It wasn't sticking to the ground. At least not yet. With a "humph, it's snowing" I went back inside and went to bed. At that point I tried to go to sleep. For a couple of hours I tried. Curious, I got up around 1:30 to see if it was still snowing.

It was still snowing. And it was sticking. Maybe I should have stocked up on milk, eggs, and bread. Even though my South Beech Diet doesn't allow me milk or eggs, is that any reason to not stock up? I could be responsible for the fall of modern civilization. at least n my house. Luckily I had plenty of eggs, so maybe I would be alright. So with that I went to bed.

When I got up this morning the snow had started to melt. Pavement and gravel were now snow-free. Melted snow was dripping off the roof, forming a trickle that was melting the built up snow underneath. Now the only thing to worry about was that it's going to get cold enough to freeze the melted snow into a nice sheet of ice tonight.

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B5-TNG

01.29.2007

It's been about 2½ years since I watched the Babylon 5 series on the sweet binary flow at home. I hadn't seen the final 2 seasons before watching them back then, so it was like watching new episodes for me. Although I'm a [out of the closet] Trekkie, I still enjoy a good sci-fi show, and B5 fit the bill.

I'm now passing B5 on to the next generation. Gina's young'un, all 18 years of him, has discovered Babylon 5 thanks to downloading movies on shows on his XBox Three Hundred and Sixty. He enjoyed the pilot episode that he downloaded, so he hit me up for the first season soon afterwards.

Then the second season.

Then the last 3 seasons.

It seems he's hooked.

I feel like I've accomplished something with my life now. I've been pushing him toward nerd-dom for the past 10 years. He's grown from an outside playing, baseball loving, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle playing kid to a staying inside in front of the game console, surfing the net for more than porn, knows more about computers than me, Babylon 5 loving kind of guy. I'm like Darth Vader, pulling him toward the dark side where he'll never have to see the light of day again. Or maybe like James Earl Jones in the first Conan movie with Arnold! As long as I get the cool voice, that's all that matters.

Now the question is how to best induct him into the world of the Trek?

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Camtoon Cometh

01.22.2007

After a long break, the Camtoons are on the cusp of making a comeback.

It's scary to think that 5 years ago I first took webcam to action figure and copied someone else's idea (who has also quit making them). The camtoon episodes were sporadic, at times annual, but most people seem to have enjoyed them. Well, most of them. That last batch wasn't very good, and for those I apologize.

For X-mas, Rynn & Matt gave me a couple of new figures, with the caveat that I would have to make some new camtoons. It only serves me right for making them read them all. So for the past few weeks I've been trying to mull over storylines and pick out something that would be good. Not only that, but it needs to make sense for the non-wrestling figure initiated. So, I think I've got an idea or two that should work. With luck, I'll get everything ironed out over the weekend. With a lot of luck, there will be something worth reading this time next week.

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Happy Chiro

01.19.2007

I just found out some good news. The website I did for my chiropractor is working! More than just being up and running, he's actually gotten a couple of new patients due to the website. One is a co-worker of his wife who went online and got the new patient forms. Another is someone moving from out of state whose current chiropractor got online and fount Trent.

It's a good feeling when you make something [in this case a website] and it turns out to be a helpful and useful tool.

Now I think it's about time to go get my back popped!

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