Digging Up Old Emails - The Newks

08.24.2011

Since I'm due a blog update, here's one I promised various crew at my local The Newks that I would post. Sure, it's an email that's over a year old, but I still think it's funny. For the non Newks workers out there reading this, I used to send emails to the managers as if I was writing feedback to the store/franchise owner. Common themes of my email included but were not limited to:

• I take my salad (the Ultimate Salad) without tomatoes, and I become agitated if any are found.
• I enjoy Coke Zero with my tomatoless salad.
• Milner is gay. Flaming.
• Amy is hot. (tangentially, she's had a baby since I originally wrote this)
• The cashiers rotate every 3 months, in sync with school quarters/semester. They're usually easy on the eyes.
• I eat there regularly enough I'm like Norm from Cheers.

Depending on my mood, my emails would generally take the tone of LH Puttgrass from Bloom County with a dash of The Rock, where my opinion on all things would be overly important. And worded oddly.

From August 17, 2010

Dear Mr. Newks,

It's been a while since our last correspondence, and for that I apologize with heartfelt apologeticness, but to be honest there hasn't been a lot to correspond about. It was with a heavy heart that I bid farewell to the Newks Summer 2010 Hoochie Skank Class as it was an exceptional year for them. Perky, blond, doe eyed innocence. But I digress.

Today when visiting my local The Newks I was greeted by a pleasant sight. No, not the "leave your damn umbrella by the door" sign, although technically that was what I was greeted by. And to be honest the sign put me in a bit of fowl mood. Pissed me off a little. Who are you to be telling me where to put my umbrella? I'll tell YOU where to put my umbrella, that's what I do. As much money as I pass into this place I should be able to put my umbrella any damn where I want to, by jiminy. Although I didn't bring in an umbrella, as it wasn't raining , nor even moist outside, I didn't have an umbrella to cart around looking for an appropriate spot, but I think I'll bring one next time to shove up Milner's candy-ass to make sure he knows I can put my umbrella wherever I want. What's that saying about the customer being right? I believe it's something along the lines of "The customer can shove their umbrella up Milner's ass and he'll like it, with a smile on his face, and ask if you would like a refill for your refreshing beverage."

Once I made it pass the aforementioned sign, I saw a sight for sore eyes. No, it wasn't the Newks Fall 2010 Hoochie Skank Line-up (makes me miss Summer even more) it was the newly printed table numbers. Finally, after nigh on a year of being forced to use the rinky-dink numbers where I didn't know if my table was "61" or "19", there is finally a number card worthy of the greatness of the Newks and the gospel of which I spread! I don't know much more about the new number, as my salad reached my table at roughly the same time I did, but they look to be chock full of information. Unique information, as various numbers did not look cookie-cutter stamped with the same blithering that any monkey could spew time after time.

After enjoying my salad which had no gawdamned tomatoes on it, I went to congratulate the management on their tireless work evidenced by the new number cards I have been wanting for over a year. Then I saw New Guy in a Yellow Shirt. I'm sure he has a human name, but I will call him New Guy. I don't like New Guy. He's new. I don't want to train a New Manager. It's hard enough training New Hoochie Skanks, and I have to do that every 3 months. I won't even mention that I wasn't consulted about New Guy, or even that a New Guy position was opening up. I walk in, BAM - New Guy is working. I ask you this Mr Newks, how would you feel if you walked into your spacious luxury home on the Newks Estate and BAM - some New Guy is fornicating with your wife. That's how I felt. Betrayed. And maybe a little aroused. But mostly betrayed. And then I was a little thirsty, so I refilled my beverage. After that, back to betrayed.

I should probably keep an open mind. Maybe you have to hire a New Guy to bring in the New Numbers. But the New Numbers are in place, maybe it's time to get rid fo the New Guy? Or maybe New Guy is hired as Milner's replacement! That would give Milner time to take his annual "This is not a gay cruise" Cruise. That would be acceptable. Maybe New Guy isn't too bad after all.

So, to summarize:
* It's damnable hot, how about fixing the A/C in the elevated dining area?
* I'm moving to tea, so you can stop carrying the Coke Zero
* With Adam's help, I've started adding Egg & Feta Cheese to the Salad Ultimate. Time to think up a catchy name and add it to the menu.
* There's something about Amy, but I can't seem to remember it right now...

Until our next correspondence,
R. Spears
Eater of Salad
Spreader of the Gospel of The Newks.

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Mozzarella Sticks

08.14.2011

Yesterday Gina and I were off to the Decatur Lowes in search of some closet organization furniture. I live for this kind of stuff (who likes to get organized better than me?) so I was more than happy to ferry Gina to Lowes. We left around 11:30, too early for lunch and too late for breakfast (for Gina, I had already had breakfast since it's illegal for me to skip a meal) so we stopped by the Athens Sonic for a couple of drinks. I went to the drive thru and ordered Gina a large Coke and myself a Rt 44 Coke Zero. Road trip drinks! The girl on the other side of the mic asked if we would like some mozzarella sticks to go with our order. Gina punched me in the arm and said "say yes". I looked at her and she said "really, it'll make her day". I looked back at the mic and said "Yyyyes, I would." And I said it with a couple of extra Y's, just like that.

There was a hesitant pause and she asked "Ok, would you like anything else?" I looked at Gina, who wasn't punching me, and said "No, that'll be it." As we approached the window you could see people scurrying around. Evidently our cheese stick order was causing a commotion. When we got to the window the girl that was previously behind the mic was smiling and giggling and told us that nobody had ever said yes before. Gina was also all smiles, as she was sure this just made their day.

Eventually we got our mozzarella sticks. We got lots of extra smiles with them, too.

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To The Hobby!

08.05.2011

*

Severe thunderstorms swept through Wednesday night, killing the power until about 10:00 the next morning. Cable and internet were out until noon on Friday. This meant it was time for some hobbying!

I've been going to The Deep and getting some miniatures-painting tips from Scott, one of the guys that works there. Scott's a really good painter, while I've never been a really good painter. I've barely been an adequate painter when it comes to miniatures. I used to think I was above average, but then I sat down with Jer once to paint some miniatures (I'm pretty sure they were Warhammer 40K) and he started drybrushing the weapons. I'd never seen drybrushing before, and it made a world of difference.

I haven't painted anything in a couple of years, but I've been having that urge of late. I've stocked up on fresh paint, brushes, and other little knick knacks and doo dads you need. Once the power came back on it seemed like a good time to break out a figure to practice on. I tried to remember Scott's advice - go slow, use the paint sparingly, go slow. I went slow. I should have gone slower. I would paint, let the paint dry, and then paint some more. I drybrushed. I used washes. I somehow had no black paint. I've got 6 shades of green, but no black. Finally I found some acrylic black, but it actually seems to move around with the brush differently.

Now I've gotten my first figure in a decade done. It could be better, but it could be worse. I need to practice priming better. That's what I'm going to start out with on the next one. Then we'll see how it goes.
Base coats, flesh, uniform, drybrushed. Just added a brown-ish wash which is still wet.


Everything finally dried. I went ahead and played around with flocking the base.

*The pic up top has my myriad collection of paints and painting tools, and the Rotary Mat cutting mat. The mat was originally Mom's and still has the sticker from the TG&Y in Florence, which places its purchase between the 2nd and 6th grades. It's at least a 30-year old cutting mat... that just amazes me.

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Plenty Going On

07.26.2011

Today's blog is mainly for me to organize what all I've got going on and probably won't be of much interest to the internet at large. But, I can view this page from pretty much anywhere so it'll keep me on track.

Yes, lots and lots going on. How's the rest of my immediate week shaping up? Well, let me tell ya!

Wednesday

• Take car in for oil change/tire rotation - the change oil light's been on for a week, so I feel guilty.
• Turn in roofing invoice to insurance - so I (and then the roofers) can get paid.
• Mow the grass - hopefully early before it gets hot. Did I mention I'm playing hookie from work?
• Weekly chiropractic trip - too keep all my bones pointed in the right direction.
• Road trip to Florence, to see Grandparents and Brenda (in from TX).

Thursday

• Road trip to B'ham - with Jerry. Not sure how much I should disclose on public forum. ATF probably shouldn't worry.

Friday

• Hmph, nothing. I bet that doesn't last.

Saturday

• Back to The Deep for another gaming miniatures painting lesson. Far into nerd country.

Sunday

• Regularly scheduled chore day

See, busy busy busy. I'm still making progress on the Unity YouTube videos as I'm now up to video #33. 16 videos in a week, I don't think that's too bad. For my spare time, here's what I'm working on:

• The above mentioned video tutorials. I just watched one for importing Poser models into Unity. I drooled a little. To get all the software to optimize the process and resulting models will run about $200.
• I'm getting back into paper model/landscapes for gaming. The cool factor of these is that they come ready to work with vinyl cut printers to pre-cut the models instead of having to score the things yourself (and I don't have the straightest hand in the world). Plus they have buildings with stackable levels, and that just seems so cool!
• Return of Widgey Night - schedules are starting to align and the stack of new games is begging to be played.
• Reading Bios - I'm kind of in a comic book lull right now, so I've been picking up some biographies again. I just finished Ron Jeremy's bio and it was a nice little read. Sure, there were plenty of porn references and stories, but there was more to it than that. Plus, it's been sitting on the shelf since the last beach trip in May of last year, where I picked it up off the remainder table. Today I received on my stoop volume 4 of William Shatner's bioUp Till Now. I enjoyed the other three, we'll see how this one plays out.

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Unity & 243 Tutorial Videos

07.19.2011

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was making progress in my adventure into Unity. After making flying coconuts burst into fire, I decided to make some headway into the Hack & Slash RPG Tutorial, which is a 243 video (so far) series hosted on YouTube. The tutorials are presented using C# instead of JavaScript, and even though I've been using C# at work for the past year I'm by no means an expert. I still think of myself as a novice in fact.

That's a lot of videos.

The first 2 videos are "How to make a Health Bar" and run a total of roughly 18 minutes. Making the health bar probably takes all of 2 minutes, but Petey, the voice behind the tutorials, also shows how to set some things up (handy for following along with his way of doing things) as well as explaining what the code is actually doing instead of just typing and letting you copy. Even better, he makes mistakes along the way and doesn't catch them until he tries to compile. I've learned more from watching his mistakes than I have form untold other programming videos (it's true, I do learn not just from my mistakes, from from the mistakes of others as well).

Luckily I like the way these videos are presented, so I've been sticking to them. For me to get the most out of them, I go through and watch the video without copying any code the first time. This forces me to pay attention and actually learn the first time through. By the time I watch the 2nd time, coding along the way, I have a pretty good idea of what I'm doing and where I'm going. The drawback is that this takes twice as long as just following along the first time, but I think I'm maximizing what I'm getting out of it.

I've just finished up video #17, which puts me right at 2 hrs of video (which you can double for watching + coding). Considering I stare at a monitor at work all day I'm proud of doing some staring for fun afterward. I'm amazed it's taken me close to 3 weeks to get 4 hours of work done, but I tend to only do it at home when I'm in the right mood so as to not force myself to get fed up with it. Right now the focus is on setting up code for the RPG/record keeping element so there's not a lot to see for my efforts, but the whiz=bang-dazzle part will come back.

After this I've still got loads of other tutorials from other sites to work through, especially a car-driving and helicopter-flying combo. But that's a good 200 videos away. Let's see, 17 videos in 3 weeks means that I should finish 243 videos on... April 11, 2012. At least now I've got a target date!

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