Russellmania.com

I'm not gay, but...

06.10.2009

Way back in August of 2004, I tried to learn how to paint in one of my spare bedrooms (not the master bedroom and not the computer room). It didn't go well. By the time I claimed I was finished, there was paint on the walls, in many places you could see where the runs in the paint had tried. There was paint on the door frames. There was paint on the window frames. There was paint on the ceiling. Even though I had used old sheets as drop cloths, there was paint on the gray carpet. For the majority of the past 5 years I haven't gone into that room more than to toss some crap in or go digging through the crap looking for something I had tossed in. One of my goals of this year was to fix that room to make it usable. I even had an idea for how to make it super-usable!

Over a couple of weeks I started to accumulate the tools I would need to prep the room for painting. Masking tape, various sanding implements to get rid of those dried up runs in the wall, etc. One weekend day I found myself with some free time and noticed most of the other things on my chore list were marked off, so I set out to prep the room! I grabbed some sandpaper and started sanding a run on the wall. And I sanded. For a long time. A long, long time. The run never really went away.

It didn't take long before I decided that while I originally thought this was a job for me to learn how to paint properly while fixing my past mistakes, it was really a job for my to call handy man Mike and get him to fix it. I called him up, showed him the disaster I needed fixed, then I went off to Jamaica for a week. When I got back, the disaster was fixed. Walls were painted. Ceiling was painted in the proper places. Carpet had been replaced with the laminate flooring I have in the rest of the house. I believe I've learned my lesson - whenever I get the urge to paint, call Mike.

I had been thinking for a while of what to do with that room. Most people have a spare bedroom for visiting guests. I don't have visiting guests, so setting up a proper bedroom would be a waste of space. I had originally (when I first painted the disaster) thought of turning the room into a small library - bookshelves, a chair to read in, cozy lighting - but how often do I just sit around and read?

One thing I've discovered, or maybe just admitted, over the past year is that I'm a clothes horse. When I find clothes in my size, I tend to buy the regardless of whether or not I really need another blue polo shirt. My closet is stuffed with clothes. Plus, my big-n-tall clothes takes up loads more room than most people's normal sized clothes. I hang most of my clothes, but it seems they were all crammed into the closet hanging up. Grab one hanger and pull out 3 others when you take a shirt out. It was here that I realized I could make my disaster room into a closet. I big honking closet!

Closetmaid makes closet furniture, cool furniture you see on tv shows with fancy walk-in closets. I had gotten a couple of units from Lowes/Home Depot about 2 years ago and set them up in the bedroom to replace my old dresser. The Closetmaid units are modular/stackable pre-fab kits, so I'm all about putting them together. By the time Mike fixed the disaster room, all I really needed where some hanging rods and I would be in business.

Over the course of a week I moved furniture into my new closet. I made a couple of trips to Lowes/Home Depot to fill in some missing gaps. I found that Closetmaid no longer makes the furniture I have, although Sauder makes something similar. I replaced my amalgamation of multicolored Wal-Mart plastic hangers with cool-looking wooden hangers. Overall, I think it turned out pretty good.

So far I'm the envy of every girl that's seen it :)

Permalink renovation/remodelling

Jamaica

05.24.2009

My belated 40th birthday present to myself (and Gina, since I made her go too) was a trip to Sandals Whitehouse in Jamaica. I've always wanted to go on one of the all-inclusive resort vacations, but outside of that I don't know why I picked Jamaica. I guess it just sounded good at some point. It's a good thing I didn't look too close, as I checked the weather on the Wednesday before we left at 11:00AM. It was 86°F with a heat index of 104°F. For a big man who sweats from March thru November, maybe this wasn't such a smart idea.

Around the end of March I went online and picked out where and when to go. Learning a lesson from the cruise that Gina and I took, I opted to not pick the cheapest package I could find, but instead went all out - I decided that I was going to be paying enough money that if something went wrong I would bitch about it and somebody would listen!

Flying
I hate to fly. I learned the last time I flew that I do ok if I go to the doctor and get some anxiety drugs, so that's what I did the Tuesday before Gina and I were scheduled to fly out. As I left the doctor's office, I was armed with some Cloraz Dipot 7.5MG with which to battle the skies!

It's been raining most of May, so the odds were good that while making the Huntsville-Atlanta-Montego Bay route there would be some rough weather. Luckily it never got too bad, just a little bumpy going through cloud layers.

When we boarded the plane in Atlanta to head to Montego Bay, the captain was on the microphone giving us the standard do-not-smoke-etc speech. He gave it to us a little different though.

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Jim Livingston and I'll be your pilot today on our flight from Atlanta to Montego Bay. You know, you don't look like the normal crowd so let me tell you what I'm going to do. Today we're going to fly this thing like we stole it.

Scheduled flight time from Atlanta to Montego Bay is 2 hours and 19 minutes, but I'm going to try and get us there in 2 hours and 17 minutes.

The FAA prohibits the use of tobacco products ... [everyone that's flown has heard this part] ... We have about 4 hours worth of fuel for todays flight, and if it takes longer than that I'll tell youu what, you smoke'em if you got'em." Capt. Jim had to avoid a couple of storms along the way, but it wasn't too bad of a flight. As we were coming in for the landing, the weather looked clear - clear and hot. As the wheels touched down, there was a sudden jerk to the left; Maybe it was wind, maybe the runway wasn't pointed in the right direction. I looked over at Gina and said "I think he's landing it like he stole it." As we taxied to the terminal, Capt. Jim came on the intercom.

"Ladies and gentlemen, local time is 1:42. Looks like I got you here 8 minutes late, and that's not something I'm proud of, but I got you here safe."

I like that Capt Jim.

Customs

My only experience with going into another country was the time I went to Canada a couple of years ago. I still remember getting off the plane, walking around the airport (what seemed about 3 times), and finding myself in line with what I estimated to be 1000 people as I made my way over the next hour to the official government guy who would stamp my passport. In Jamaica, I once again walked around the airport, this time trying to aim for where air conditioning vents might be blowing. Eventually the crowd I was in merged into a wide line, where we were then grouped into smaller lines. These lines didn't have 1000 people, probably only 150 people. It was here that I learned nobody in Jamaica is in a hurry. An hour and a half later I was getting my passport stamped.

Wrong Side of the Road

After customs Gina and I tracked down our luggage (it took so long to get through customs our luggage had jumped off the carousel and was hiding in a corner), we checked in at the Sandals check-in-place at the airport and boarded our bus for the resort. Some people got stuck in a mini-van, but we had a nice, air-conditioned bus just right for tourists as it had 2 seats on the right side and 1 seat on the left, with 6 or 7 rows. I claimed the back row in the name of Athens and my large ass.

For the next hour and a half we traveled the (barely) 2-lane roads along mountainous Jamaica. The roads were a little rough, being mostly paved potholes. As we drove along the left side of the road, our bus driver was on the intercom telling us a little about Jamaica, mostly about fruits that we could see along the way and what dishes and drinks could be made with them.

Patrona The Butler

We finally arrived at the resort. The driver turned past the entrance and the rough road gave way to smooth, well kept asphalt. As he pulled in front of the main building, people came out waving, some with little wicker baskets that contained cold washcloths that the handed out with tongs. as everyone deboarded the bus, the driver told us that one person should go check in while the other pointed out which bags were theirs. Since I was in the very back, I told Gina to go ahead and check us in while I pointed out the bags. A few minutes later I was out pointing at bags and saw Gina with a cold washcloth. "Did you get us checked in?" I asked her. "No," she said, "They need the booking number and I don't have it." Well, crap. I wanted a cold washcloth.

I had packed all the paperwork I had gotten from Sandals into my bag (which had my laptop, camera, iPods... everything a nerd would plug in on a vacation). I went inside to what I can best describe as an ornate hotel lobby you would see on TV. I waited for the 2 people ahead of me to check in, then I handed somebody behind the counter my little Sandals booklet which I hoped had the booking number in it. After a minute, I was told "If you'll have a seat, yyour butler will be here in a moment."

When picking packages I had gotten one with a butler. Even though it cost more I figured some good stories would come out of it. Besides, I had never had a butler. Batman had Alfred, so maybe I should try it for a few days.

I motioned for Gina to come over (she was now inside with her cold washcloth) and told her "Our butler will be here in a moment." Although we knew we had a butler, I hadn't expected one to show up until later. What do I know about butlering? After a couple of minutes, a Jamaican woman in her late-20's walked up. "Hello, I am Patrona, one of your butlers." One of our butlers? How many butlers do we get? "Dwayne the Butler will be your other butler. He will be here tomorrow at 2:00." Oh, cool. we have butlers that work in shifts.

Patrona the Butler took my bag and proceeded to show us some of the property as we made our way to the room. She showed us where the restaurants were, the gift shop, the spa, etc. We entered our room and she showed us the living room, the bedroom, bathroom, and balcony. Our suite came with 24 hour room service and she showed us the menu. Then she handed us a cell phone that had her (and Dwayne's) number saved so that we could call if we needed anything. I'm not sure what all the butler was supposed to do, but it looked like I was going to like having one.

Every morning Patrona or Dwayne would call (with a greeting of "This is Patrona the Butler" or "Dwayne the Butler") and ask if we needed anything. They would check the bar in the room at least twice per day to make sure it was stocked, and ask if there was anything particular we would like it stocked with. They would reserve beach chairs for us, and generally at some point during the day while we were on the beach someone would show up with some drinks that our butler thought we might want to try.

Around Tuesday I figured out how the butler really works. If there's something you need to arrange, the butler does it. One morning Dwayne the Butler comes in and asks "Where would you like to have dinner tonight?" We would like to go to the Italian place! "I'll make the reservations and get back with you." A couple of hours later Dwayne calls on the cell phone and says "You have reservations tonight at 7:00. I'll come by and pick you up 5 minutes before." At 6:55 Dwayne knocks on the door and we hear "Dwayne the Butler" from the other side. We walk out and the 3 of us walk to the Italian restaurant. Dwayne opens the door for us to walk in, but there are 2 other couples behind us so he holds the door open for them also. The hostess looks at Gina and I and asks "Name?" I tell her, to which she responds "There will be a 30-45 minute wait." I look at Dwayne, who's now come in after letting everyone else in. He goes over and mutters something to the hostess. The hostess picks up 2 menus and says "Right this way."

I like having a butler. After Tuesday I got a lot better at planning out my day and passing it along to the beutler to handle the details.

Every night, I think while we were at dinner, our butler of the day would come back to the room and turn the bed down. At the same time, they would make decorative animals out of towels. I don't know how they did it, but since neither Gina nor I had ever since such things before, we were in awe. Discovering the nightly animal was secretly our favorite part of the day.

Patrona became our friend while we were there. We warned her at the onset that not only had we never been to Jamaica before, this was our first resort and the first time we had ever had a butler. We would cut up with her, and of course I would flirt with her. Since I don't normally drink, she kept the bar stocked with water and Diet Coke for me. Speaking of Diet Coke, I pop open a can of Coca-Cola Light one day and am taking a swig. It's the same can as Diet Coke except for the working. Gina looks at me and says "Is that can smaller?" I look closer at the can and see that it's 11.73 ounces. Who can see a 0.27 ounce difference in a can? Crazy dog lady has some extra weird super powers.

Vacationing

During the week, we stayed at the resort. After the hour and a half bumpy road ride, Gina and I agreed we didn't want to get back on the road until we were going back home. We ate, laid out on the beach, walked around (in the shade whenever possible!). One day we went to the spa and got massages. I think Gina may now be in love with a 6ft 5in Jamaican guy with long, strong fingers. Another day we went for a glass-bottom boat ride that took us between two reefs in front of the resort. That really was about all we did.

I had taken my laptop, thinking that as I was avoiding the heat I might have an urge to do some work. All I used the laptop for was transferring pictures off the cameras memory card to free up some space, charging the camera, and charging iPods. It really was a vacation.

Coming Back HomeThe trip home started at 5:00AM. Our flight was scheduled to leave at 11:06AM. Vacation was definitely over. We had to get up at 5:00 in order to have our luggage in front of the door for pickup by 6:00 so that we could baord the shuttle back to the airport at 7:00 for the 90 minute ride. The suggest getting to the airport 3 hours before your flight leaves, and the 7:00 shuttle was the closest one.

Alternately we could have taken the Sandals helicopter from the resort to the Airport. 11 minute flight. If it hadn't been $600 I would have done it. For $200 I definitely would have taken the helicopter. $400... maybe. But $600 was too much.

As we boarded the bus, the driver got on the intercom and told us "My name is Mel. It is not Jesus Christ or Holy Shit as you may hear from some people when driving." Mel was ok, reminded me a little of Capt. Jim. The Saturday morning ride the the airport was pretty quiet after the first 20 minutes. Mel figured we had heard the tourist speeches before, I guess.

At the airport we made our way through lines once again. There was a line at the ticket counter that took close to an hour to get through. There was a line for exit customs(?) and the security x-ray scanner that was a little faster, maybe only 20 minutes to get through that one. At that point we were in the duty-free section of the airport, so Gina stocked up on rum and rum cakes to give away when we got back. I grabbed a sandwich to settle my stomach for the flight, and an hour and a half later we were Atlanta bound!

In Atlanta we went through customs - Yes I had a wonderful time, God Bless the USA, please let me back in - followed by getting our checked baggage. This part still confuses me since we took the baggage through a "do you have any agricultural products" check, then dropped it off to be loaded onto the next plane. This also when you have to stow away any duty free liquids you might have gotten, because you have to go through the x-ray scanner while taking off your shoes checker again. Canada wasn't this confusing.

After being checked and x-rayed, we had 2 hours before our plane for Huntsville left. In those 2 hours, every plane that was scheduled to leave at either Gate 33, 34, or 35 had its gate changed. Usually it was just to another gate 40 ft away, but it still made for some entertaining confusion as we sat watching people scuttle about. The weather in Atlanta was rainy, but not stormy, so flights were getting pushed around and delayed. Luckily our flight was on time. At 5:55 we left Atlanta! Huntsville had scattered thunderstorms, but except for 2 roller-coaster-ish dips coming in it wasn't too bad. Granted, I was focused on breathing and staring intently at a coffee pot at the front of the plane, but I didn't poop myself!

Gina and I grabbed our bags and proceeded to make our way to our post-international trip destination. Outback! After we returned from our Bahamas cruise we were craving Outback. This time it just sounded like a good idea. We ate, I dropped off Gina and her luggage, then I made it home around 8:30. 3 hours of total time in the air between Montego Bay and Huntsville. I got home 15½ hour after getting up. I think I may have been ready for another vacation at that point.

Permalink road trip

Coming Soon!

05.21.2009

Blog entries coming soon (once I get a little more free time)!

Jamaica: The Vacation
Home Renovations: Round Three
The Jim Puckett Pre-memorial Suede Wall
I Finally Watched The New Star Trek Movie
Dad's New Computer

I am one busy dude.

Permalink

Packing with Nerd Shields

05.07.2009

My "free" time is almost over. Tomorrow I get up and go to Kentucky for Mom's burial/memorial service. Saturday morning I get up and fly to my Jamaican vacation. I've gotten everything I needed to get done beforehand finished, all that's left is to pack. Packing shouldn't take more than 30 minutes - grab clothes, shove in suitcase, fini.

I'm taking my laptop with me, more as a charger for iPods and transferring pictures off the camera than anything else. I've been trying to figuire out if there's anything special I want to put on the iPod since the laptop doesn't have iTunes (or any music) loaded. I've got my standard, work-related background music. there's some Stephen Lynch and Lewis Black on there to amuse me.

I started to browse the iTunes store audiobooks, thinking there might be something entertaining for the plane flights that would catch my eye. With the new Trek movie coming out tomorrow, they were iTunes was hyping their Trek audiobooks. I started to think that something along those lines would be good to take, then I had a sudden flash. Years ago when I was working at Corr Wireless and had to travel to Oneonta (90 minutes) more than was reasonable, I picked up a handful of Trek audiobooks. I think there were some that I never got around to listening to (having gotten a better job after 3 months at Corr).

I went to one of my Star Trek shelves and found the audiobook section (sounds impressive, huh?). Out jumped "The Genesis Wave" by John Vornholt. This was a 3 book series that was released on audio, and the 3rd book was still shrink-wrapped. Each book is 3 hours of Tim Russ. That's a lot of Tim Russ. Now I'm copying 9 hours of Tim Russ to my iPod.

Nerd shields to maximum!

Permalink random

So Long & Thanks For The Fish

05.04.2009

This will likely be my last post until mid-May, hence the Douglas Adams inspired title!

This week I have a lot to do. Loads to do. So much to do that I'm taking a couple of days off from work in hopes that I'll actually get everything done. For the things to be done to make sense, I have to work backwards from my schedule. Saturday at 7:50AM Gina and I leave for a week in Jamaica. I'm supposed to be excited, but I'm not yet. I'm sure it'll hit later in the week, but now I've got to much to do. While we're in Jamaica, Handy Man Mike will be painting and putting laminate flooring in 2 of my bedrooms, which leads my to chore #1 - I have to completely clean out the bedrooms. Drawers, closets, crap. Everything but the bed, because it's too blasted heavy/bulky for me to move. I did it once and said I'd never do it again.

Chore #2 is a side effect of Chore #1, in that I'm setting up a makeshift closet in my dining area (with a big open space thanks to Westar Joe taking the table I've been borrowing from Gina for 9 years). This way I can still get to clothes to dress myself for the week along with pack for the Jamaica trip.

Chore #2.5 is to figure out what to do with all the crap I unearth from closets as I clean them out. I'm almost scared of what I'll find.

Friday is a trip to Kentucky for Mom's burial/memorial service. This isn't so much a chore (although getting everybody to Kentucky and back might be), but it'll take all day Friday, so I can't put anything off to do after Thursday. I have to make sure I'm packed and ready to fly out Thursday.

There are also the little things to remember to do before I leave. Stop mail delivery. Make sure all my bills are mailed. Turn the thermostat to a respectable temperature (even though people will be in and out with pain and flooring). Is there anything I don't need to leave out laying around? Go to the doctor and get my flying anxiety medicine. Is all the stinky garbage out of the house?

Oh, and what to pack? Get some spending/tipping money. Passport! What book(s) do I take? Sunglasses, sunscreen, those little wipes I use on my glasses. Sinus drugs.

So I have a busy week. Then I have a week of relaxing in a hammock (I hope). After that, I have no idea what to really expect.