My last conversation with Mom

12.09.2008

Mom was on a nice little combination of pain killers, anti-anxiety, and anti-nausea meds. When she managed to take the whole combination fairly close to one another, her mind would go off somewhere else for a little while. I had learned to pay attention to what Mom was seeing, because her "out there" sentences would actually make sense if you listened and looked at things from her perspective.

I was propped up in bed watching Steel Magnolias on TNT with Mom. That right there should show what a good son I am. Steel Magnolias! I happened to notice that there were an awful lot of commercials for kids toys, especially the educational/electronic toys like Leapfrog. This was Thanksgiving weekend, so it only made sense to try and hype the toys.

We were nearing the end of the movie where everything gets emotional and Julia Roberts is about to die (sorry if I just ruined Steel Magnolias for anyone). Mom is sitting propped up in the bed and suddenly says "I bet Jerry would know."

This caught me totally by surprise. "Jerry would know what, Mom?"

"Why all these kids hit anything with a one or a zero. " she told me.

Ahh, she's been paying attention to the toy commercials. Luckily I had been paying attention! "Yeah, I bet he would know", I told Mom. "But what if he didn't?"

Mom twisted her face in thought and kind of bit in one corner of her mouth. With a slight sigh she said "I bet he'd just make something up."

I gave out a laugh as I told her I agreed. She knows Jerry pretty well. When I told Jerry this little story, he agreed too.


I don't show up in many pictures, as such there are few pictures with both me and Mom. Here's one from Jer and Elaine's wedding on Nov 15, 1997

Permalink mom

Missing Mom

12.08.2008

It hasn't quite been a week since Mom died. It's been an emotional week, that's for sure. For a big, burly manly-man I've been crying a lot more than I thought I would. They're good, therapeutic cries. They catch me off guard, after a minute or so I actually end up asking myself "What the hell is this about?"

I cried when I went back and saw her empty bed, and then I sat there petting her pillow as I told Terry how proud I was of him for pulling through everything as well as he did. I cried in Gina's arms as I told her that Mom had died 15 minutes earlier. Those I understand, but it's the little cries that pop-up when no one else (I know) is around.

I was at Bed Bath & Beyond replacing my George Foreman Grill - don't accidentally dunk them in the dishwater - and wandered in the cleaning aisle. I stopped around and remembered the last time I stood there was with Mom. Then I had a little cry in front of the Roombas.

I was driving to Gina's for an impromptu dinner & date night. Along the way I had that feeling in the back of my head - it's been about a week since I talked to Mom, I should catch up with her. Then I remembered I can't make that phone call any more. I cried all the way to Gina's.

Right now I think of how much I miss Mom, and I can't see the fucking keyboard because of the tears in my eyes.

The timing for the end was right for Mom. Her pain had been increasing, her breathing was getting raspier each time I saw her. Everyone tries to comfort me by saying she's in a better place, but just knowing she's not hurting anymore makes it ok with me. I've been sharing stories with friends and family over the past week, stories that I think show what Mom was really like. Some stories are funny, some are sad, all are true. I'll probably put some of those stories here over the next week, both for therapeutic purposes and to make sure I remember them later.

I'd like to thank everyone who's sent their condolences and offered their support. It's comforting to know there's people out there thinking of me (and Mom). I'd make a list but I don't want to leave anyone out unintentionally, so for now I offer up a blanket "Thank You" to all.

Permalink mom

I Love You

12.03.2008

... were the last words my Mom ever spoke to me.




Mom
Jan 10, 1947 - Dec 2, 2008

I love you too Mom.

Permalink mom

Old Man Poplin

11.24.2008

Early this morning my best friend lost his father.

It's one of those times I want to talk about how good a man he was, how he always made me feel like one of the family, how he taught me little things that I should have already picked up over the past 20+ years, how we could laugh at him and he would laugh along with us, how he never got mad when I always ended up breaking something whenever he moved to a new house, how I could talk to him and not feel like I was talking over his head (or listening and thinking it was over my head).

I wish I knew the right words to tell Jer. He's been like a brother to me for years. I'm going to miss his dad too.

Possibly after one of the many times helping Old Man Poplin move, I found myself in an odd discussion revolving around the phrase "Say it ain't so, Joe". For years (forever?), I thought the phrase was attributed to Joe Dimaggio regarding the death of Marilyn Monroe. Old Man Poplin was quick to correct me by telling me at was a phrase attributed to Shoeless Joe Jackson regarding the 1919 World Series Scandal.

"Great," I told him, "now that's going to be stuck in my head forever." Old Man Poplin gave me a quizzical look as I went on to explain "I have a finite amount of memory, like a card catalog drawer. Now I'm going to be taking a calculus test and trying to remember the answer, I'll mentally pull out the card that's supposed to have the answer but see 'Shoeless Joe Jackson' on it instead."

I can't remember how to calculate derivatives, but I remember Shoeless Joe.

Permalink random

A Million Dollar Idea

11.13.2008

Over the past couple of weeks I've been working out the details for a business venture/idea. I've been thinking of mom and how her cancer is progressing (I know, this is the first time I've mentioned that here on the site so it may come as a shock to those that only know me through Al Gore's Information Superweb) to the point where she's no longer able to take care of herself all the time. Conversely, she's not at the point where she needs/qualifies for around-the-clock care. She's in a gray area where multiple people - friends, neighbors, family - trade off and take turns helping out.

The first thing I noticed was how everybody has their own system of doing things - for example, the times that Mom's meds were being taken was kept up with on a little notepad that had the day at the top of the page, then the time and med taken as a line item. Once you're in the groove of what's going on that works out, but when you're helping out for the first time you have no idea when a drug is supposed to be taken, what it's taken for, or how often - until you go digging through medicine bottles and make a little chart.

My first thought was that there had to be some kind of medication calendar/scheduler out there on the web. 3 days of searching brought me nothing useful. So I started thinking some more... I'm supposed to be a fairly smart guy, not the only one to be sure, but surely I could make something useful to help out.

The first thing I would want is a form printed out. This form (pre-populated somehow) would have everything I would need to dispense meds when they were needed. The column layout ended up looking like:

Med Name	Med Picture	Frequency	Schedule
Name of the drug	Pic of drug, to help identify	How often it should be taken	Day laid out by hour, like in a DayTimer

Within the schedule, there would be a checkbox for when the med was to be taken along with a note area for the actual time along with who administered the med. Mom was getting carried away on her notepad and writing down her drugs before she took them (I think to remind herself to take them) but then forgetting whether or not she actually took them when the time came.

The web developer came out in me soon thereafter. If this could be captured through a website, everyone that was helping out could login and see if the meds were being taken on time. "Hey, mom didn't take her meds at noon and here it is 2:00. I should call and ask if everything's ok!" On top of that, a website could have a clock/alarm as a reminder that it was time for another dose of meds along with all the bells and whistles that websites can generate. By the time it was over, I had envisioned a Google Homepage looking site for caregivers. People's schedules, med schedules, reminders, pharmacy ordering, doctor and nurses notes, etc.

Then on Monday at 2:10PM, I saw where Intel beat me to the punch.

From reading the details, it looks like the home health laptoop does 80% of what I was thinking, along with a handful of other things. On top of that, they already have support from healthcare companies and (it's suggested) a network for gathering and dissemenating information set up. I was still trying to figure that part out.

So it looks like my idea will go on the back-burner until I think up something else that makes it super-cool. Although I was frustrated that Intel beat me to said punch, by them following through I know that I can indeed come up with a million dollar, if not billion dollar, idea.

Permalink mom random