For A Guy My Size

07.26.2005

Today was the first karate class since last week's belt test, and I managed to get a compliment from the test. (Sensei) Leonard told me that the other black belts on the panel were impressed by me on Thursday night, especially because I moved so well for a guy my size.

I know it's a compliment, but it's hard to take it as such and not turn it into a back-handed compliment. 90% of the time when we're punching and kicking and causing all sorts of potential martial arts mayhem in class, I tend to forget that I'm twice the weight of the next biggest person in class (said person being Jer). It only really pops up when some moves calls for a bearhug or something similar since no one in class can get their arms all the way around me. Then it's a little funny, bacause how can you fake being in a bearhug?

I carry my weight all over. I'm 380 lbs, but I don't have 100 lbs worth of gut hanging over my belt. I guess I'm lucky in that regard, because that allows me to fall, flip, and throw myself around like I'm one of the little guys in class. I just try not to fall on top of someone. At least not directly.

But now I know I move well for a guy my size. Most of the time people think I'm only around 300 lbs, so I guess I move really well for a guy my size. I'm still trying to concentrate more on technique during class that just using brute strength, but it's a little bit of a challenge sometimes - there's a new throw we were learning today that, due to where your body ends up right before the throw, it's hard not to let force take over. I mean, my arm wants to throw you down instead of letting my leg have all the fun. But that's part of learning karate. Eventually, in some distant, mythical land, I'll come across my equal in mass and will have to rely not on my superior muscle power, but instead on my cunning, balance, and leverage to emerge victorious.

Ooh, that sounds good. I gotta go write that down...

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Into The Orange

07.22.2005

Last night was the make up belt test in karate school. A month ago, Jer had advanced to the much ballyhooed Orange Belt during the regular belt test (which I had managed to miss thanks to my bowling induced knee injury), and last night it was my turn to catch up with him. I also managed ot learn something last night - Jer and I make each other look good.

I think it's because we've each so long, plus our day to day practicing with each other during class, but when we're practicing throws or holds, we just seem to work well with each other. We've gotten to the point that we know we're not going to hurt the other, accidentally or not - torn uniforms not withstanding. I mention this because during the belt test I was paired with someone else besides my normal partner of Jer. I was a little more hesitant in the moves, each time thinking "is he going to fall right? is he going to throw me right?" I know my moves suffered because of it. In fact, I pretty much threw myself during one fall (ceiling spin) just to make sure he was going to get me over ok.

I also had a chance to wrestle during the belt test. Wrestle normal sized people, not the sub-200 lb skinny boys I see in class from day to day. No longer was I able to easily overpower my 2 opponents. This caught me off guard, and I was merely able to hold on for a draw twice. Then Doug (my nemesis!) came along and managed to get me on my back. Although I was able to counter his attempts to apply a choke hold on me, I was stuck on my back and could never counter. This led to sparring. My first attempt to actually spar instead of just practicing throwing a punch and blocking. Like Jer on his belt test, Doug (my nemesis!) was my sparring opponent. Like with Jer, Doug (my ....) had to crank it down a handful of notches to let me punch back. After the 30 minutes of sparring, which I think was 2 minutes of real time, the round was over and I was still mobile. A partial surprise not because Doug (my nemesis!) was killing me with his chop socky, but 2 minutes of moving - blocking - punching - kicking - not blowing my mouthpiece out of my mouth had me running on empty.

But now the test is over. I've advanced and am once again on equal terms with Orange Belt Jer. Now if my limbs will just cooperate for the next couple of months I can take the next belt test at the regular time and Jer and I can make each other shine.

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Tuesday Tussle

07.19.2005

Today Jer and I must spar in karate class. It will be my first time to spar, while it marks Jer's third or fourth time, depending on how you count (classes or opponents). I'm not really looking forward to it, because I'll be coached to move around, punch, kick, jab, and move around some more.

Move around is not high on the priority list of 380 lbs, out of shape sparrers. My general approach to combat is "stand there until they get close enough to whack, then whack into submission." Along with 30 years of subconcious pro wrestling in my brain's background, it's served me well. But I'm going to have to move around and try not to tire myself out too bad and let Jer get the upper hand. He probably will, though, now that he has more experience.

This is the perfect opportunity for me to cut a wrestling style promo. So, picture if you will, me in my best Randy "Macho Man" Savage voice for the following:

It's time for the clash of the titans, yeah. The Macho Russ and the Jerster. The unmovable object against the irresistable force, yeah! Time and time again, yeah, the people have wondered in only the way that people have wondered for millenia about what would happen, dig it, when you put two volitile chemicals like us together, yeah. The Macho Russ is going to tell you. It's combustion, baby, yeah! And today at the Dojo Dome we're going to combust. So bring what you got Jerster. Bring your pads, bring your fists, bring your feets, bring your clan, yeah, because that's what it's gonna take to bring the Macho Russ down! Dig it!

(Macho Russ spins and turns away, flamboyant as ever)

I need to become a wrestling writer, don't I?

---

Post Tussle Update
We ended up just going over some of teh basics of how to punch and block while wearing the pads today, so the immovable force and irresistable object are still where they started out. No blood. No bruises. No notifying the next of kin.

But there's always next week.

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40 Hours Of Muteness

07.18.2005

It's been just over a year since I last tried this, but this weekend I once again practiced not talking to anyone, this time from 11:30 Friday night until 5:30 Sunday evening.

It's harder than you would think, especially if you cut out talking to yourself. It's more an excercise of will than anything, and oddly enough it helps me to do little chores around the house that I tend to put off - I guess taking away the options of talking on the phone or running off to a restaraunt to order some food makes me focus a little better.

But now I'm back in the land of the speaking. Blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. And to top it off I've got Air Supply's All Out of Love running through my head. Why couldn't they have been mute?

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Return To Karate

07.07.2005

About 3 weeks ago, I messed up my knee whilst bowling. Yes, bowling. I tend to hurt myself in some way every time I go bowling, but this time I really over did it since I stayed home for about a week using a rolling office chair as my primary mode of transportation throughout the house. Suffice it to say, I think my bowling privileges have been revoked until such a time as my knees can better support my weight through the gruelling twisting and turning that bowling is so well known for.

My lack of mobility caused me to miss the last karate belt test. It's not that big of a deal to me (honestly) because I look at karate more as an excercise than as a martial art with ranks to advance through. Granted, it's nice to get a belt to show that you're learning, but it's not something I stay up late worrying about. Jer took the test, did well (except for a little accident from trhowing a normal sized person instead of me) and has advanced to the next belt of Orange. We now joke that he's a higher belt than me, even though we're both pretty sure I can kick his ass if it comes down to it.

Thursday I finally made my way back to participating in class for the first time in 3 weeks. I was trying to take it easy, but I still needed to do something (my knee's not going to get better and stronger by my just sitting around). I did my own version of warming up, trying to skip anything where knee impact is felt, such as running in place or jumping jacks. I was able to go through the 3 sets of katas that we're now responsible for knowing, although trying to be careful of my knee and not having done any of them for about a month made me not only rusty, but I was forgetting the sequence of steps a couple of times.

After class I was amazed by how good I actually felt. Working out my knee, as little as I actually did, was something I needed (that's not a pun, honest to god!). A couple of hours later I was hobbling around like I used to after karate class, but that was an all over stiffness instead of a crippling knee pain, so that was good. Good I say! I'm even looking forward to next Tuesday know to see if I can do a little bit better.

There's a make-up belt test scheduled for some time in the future so that I and about 6 other people can advance in belt rank. I'm not going to push myself if my knee's not ready when the time for the test come, but I've got to admit it would be nice to go ahead and replace my yellow belt with an orange belt. Even though I don't really care. Honest.

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