Late Bills

01.26.2004

I received a late notice for my utility bill Friday. I found this odd, since I had mailed the payment 2 weeks earlier. I normally wouldn't remember this, but I had to scrounge for stamps and had to use a 33 cent stamp along with 4 one-cent stamps. I did the same for my mortgage and phone bills, too.

Being a modern man, I checked my bank account online to see if the check had cleared. It hadn't. Oddly enough, nothing has cleared since the 5th. I'm not sure if it's time for me to be paranoid or not. There was an auction I mailed payment for last week that I'm checking up on to see if the guy has recieved yet. If not, it's definitely time for me to get paranoid.

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PHP <strike>Guru</strike> Idiot

01.24.2004

I had been playing around with some PHP Saturday and ran into a stumbling block. I had a couple of included files in a file that was to redirect the user somewhere else, but I kept getting an error:

Cannot add header information - headers already sent by...[one of the included files]

I've been writing PHP for years. I consider myself adept at it. If it needs written, I can probably do it. But this error had me stumped for a good 3 hours. Maybe I was missing a semi colon or a bracket. Maybe a typo, but as hard as I looked I could never find it. I even took everything out of the included file except the PHP tags, and I still got the error.

Luckily, the internet came to my rescue. 3 minutes of searching sent me to my answer, which happened to be a character after the closing PHP tag, in this case: a tab.

A @#$%ing tab. 3 hours. Good lesson in humility. Stupid 3 hour humility tab.

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Old Timer Time Again

01.20.2004

Today marks Jer's 35th birthday, yet again marking the 6-week period of me referring to him as "Old Timer", until I reach his age.

Jerry now says he's closer to 70 than birth. I've known him for 20 of the past 35 years (that's 57% of my life, for any nerds wanting to keep track).

Now I realize that it really is time for a Toys R Us trip....

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Renting Movies

01.19.2004

I normally don't rent movies, that's part of the joy of having enough DVDs to watch a different one each day for at least a year. This weekend, I was in need of using a Blockbuster coupon before it expires at the end of this month. It was the last of 4 coupons that I got over a year ago for changing long distance providers, so I sure wasn't going to let that go to waste! Along with a gift card that Gina had, the two of us spent the weekend catching up on movies that I had deemed slightly unworthy of my buying.

• Pirates of the Carribean - Much like everyone else, I think Johnny Depp did a good job. Te whole time I was watching I kept trying to link scenes to things I had seen on the ride. I only found 2.
• Legally Blonde - I good chunk of mind candy that I actually found myself laughing at.
• Legally Blonde 2 - Although a little heavy on the PETA side of things, it managed to follow the formula of the first one and was still pretty good.

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Rich Email

01.16.2004

After hearing about it for so long, I finally got a version of the Nigerian Money Laundering scam email! I guess the spam filter on my Yahoo email account is pretty good, because this is the first one I've ever gotten. I'm very excited, becauseit looks like I'll soon be collecting millions of dollars for doing absolutley nothing! I love America! Or maybe Nigeria.

Here's the email I got, along with some of my comments in italics. And in case Mom's reading, "No, this isn't for real."

Dear Spears (notice the professional way I'm referred to by my last name!)

I am making this contact with you in good faith. I got your mail address from the Foreign Department in our Ministry of Foreign Affairs Office (not through a span list!). I am working with the Standard Trust Bank Limited,Apapa Branch Lagos (I wonder what Google has to say about them?).

My purpose of writing you is to ask for your assistance to provide your bank account where we can successfully secure the sum of $10.5 million (ten million five hundred thousand united states dollars) (technically, they're asking for $10.5 million).

For your information, there is one Japanese businessn merchant based here in Nigeria and his name is Mr.Toshio Kuzito. He was the owner of kuzito fisheries Nig. Ltd, located at No.125 industrial zone, Oshodi expressway, Isolo here in Lagos now have been taken over by Government of Nigeria because nobody came for this company after the death of Mr. toshio. (He died and the place just stopped catching fish...)

This man died in a plane crash in 1999 together with his wife here in Nigeria. He was banking with my bank and I m his accounting officer. However, since the death of Mr. Toshio, I have been trying to contact any of his relative in the city of Osaka, his home country Japan through his address with me, to let his people know about his money in our bank but I did not receive any response. (Maybe I'M a relative of long lost Uncle Toshio!)

I later remembered that Mr. Toshio came to my country out of shame he was receiving from his country because he was impotent. (Well that explains leaving Japan for Nigeria. Impotency would make me flee, too)

This secret he revealed to me when he was alive because I pestered him to introduce his children to me. (There are just so many things that sound wrong with that sentence). Now I have decided to link anybody to stand as Mr.Toshio next of kin in order to claim the money he deposited here as Fixed Solid Investment since nobody knew about it. (But now I know, so I can get the money!)

Government of my country will pay it to Federal Reserve if I should declare to them about this fund. Note that there is no risk involved in this transaction, as I will give you all information you may need about Mr. Toshio and his banking relationship with my branch to enable you stand as his next of kin to receive this money in your account. (Died in a plane crash. Impotent. What more do I need to know about Uncle Toshio?)

This transaction will go through normal banking process only that you have to stand firm as the next of kin to Mr. Toshio just to claim this money. I will direct you on how to apply for the claims of this money. (Answer "Yes" to everything)

Please if you are interested and capable to carry out this deal with me, contact me on phone +234-80-37462506 or email me back. I will require the following information from you for procession of the fund in your favour.

1. Your private phone and fax number. (Uh oh, I don't have a fax number. I wonder if I can borrow against the money I'll be getting to go get one?)

2. Your account information where this fund will be paid into. (First Bank of Me)

3. Your home address. I personally need your home address because I do not know you too well before now only that I decided to work with you on trust believing God that you will not cheat on me. (After telling me all this, surely we're close as brothers now.)

Note that we can conclude this transaction within 2 weeks upon your compliance in applying for the claims to our Head Office, as I will direct you.

I will give you $2.5million after we conclude this transaction. (What happened to $10.5 million? Wasn't he MY Uncle Toshio?) Be duly informed that I will be resigning from this banking work to come over to your country after the transfer of this fund to your account. I will then engage myself in international business since I will have enough money for any kind of business after this transaction (With $8 million I don't think I would do anything except slurp mai tais on a beach somewhere). You need not to be afraid because in as much as I would want my reputation protected, I would also want yours to also be protected. (It's like a reputation condom)

I m waiting for your urgent response. (I wonder if he's holding his breath?)

Best regards,

Mr Musa Abubakar

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